TAKING A TRIP

     Here we are, helping Mateo move into his college dorm room, located on the third floor of an old building with no elevator. Between making multiple trips up and down these narrow concrete stairs carrying luggage - as well as a couple of walks back and forth to our car, parked halfway across campus - my lungs and legs are feeling maxed out.

 

MAKING A TRANSITION

     Please don't misunderstand. I'm not complaining; there's no place I'd rather be than here with Zet, supporting our son in his transition to college life. It's just that these circumstances are making me feel "old" for the very first time. Turning 65 a few months ago, and dealing with Social Security and Medicare was no big deal; that was just a matter of numbers and government regulations. And watching our "little boy" turn his attention away from our family and toward his new life at the University of New Mexico was a little tough, but we'd long been expecting that, because it's a normal part of the growth process.

 

CATCHING MY BREATH

     But this moment feels different. I tell myself that the reason I'm gasping for breath on the 3rd floor landing is because Albuquerque is 5,000 feet above sea level, which is about 4,000 feet higher than San Antonio. And that's probably true, too. But there's something else that's different about this physical sensation of fatigue, combined with the act of crossing over this threshold to Mateo's new life, as well as the smell of this old stairwell, which brings up old memories of being a college freshman myself many years ago, in a dorm building that smelled, sounded and felt much like the one I'm standing in now. That particular combination of sensations has just sucker-punched me, sending me lurching downward on a gut-wrenching journey across the many years that have passed by and into the depths of the mysterious abyss that lies ahead - a voyage through many decades in the span of a few seconds.

 

FEELING GRATEFUL

     Leaning against the wall to catch my breath while carrying another suitcase, I take another glance down the stairwell, and feel the power of simply being aware of all the thoughts, feelings and sensations spiraling within and around me. Grounded in this awareness, it's easy to embrace and accept this situation as yet another gift from Source, then shift into a place of deep gratitude for all of it: the joy and sorrow, the fun and the fatigue, the faith and confusion. How wonderful to be here in this particular space, at this particular moment, experiencing this particular set of circumstances. May I remember to continue being grateful for it all.

 

With love and blessings,

     Rudi Harst

THANK YOU for holding the Circle in your heart by visualizing a generous flow of financial abundance. Thank you for supporting us as we continue our work of fostering a creative, inclusive approach to spirituality. We are deeply grateful.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

     Zet and I are helping our son, Mateo, get ready to leave for college next week. Sorting through stacks of clothes, discarding high school books and mementos, buying school supplies, trying to anticipate the stuff he'll need for his dorm room. It's a little hectic, but we're doing our best to savor this process, knowing that all too soon this time will pass, and we'll have the proverbial Empty Nest.

 COMING AND GOING

     It's also a little discombobulating, because he's so ready to be gone that much of his energy has already left the building and zoomed ahead to Albuquerque, where he'll be at the University of New Mexico. There are times when he's barely present while sitting across the table. We were both 47 years old when Mateo was born, so many of our peers went through this phase with their children years ago. They assure us that, based on their experience, his desire for distance and independence will eventually give way to an even deeper, warmer relationship with us.

 LEARNING AND GROWING

     I'm sure that's true. But, in the meantime, I'm doing my best to embrace the principle of impermanence, and the awareness that everything and everyone must pass from our lives. It's one thing to know that intellectually; it's quite different feeling the truth of it at the cellular level, experiencing the expansiveness of breathing into the knot in my stomach, the ache in my chest. Feeling blessed by the love and awareness flowing through the moment at hand, knowing it to be a true gift - far more potent than the illusory images of our family I've created in my head. It's just the latest in a long line of lessons and blessings I've received from being Mateo's father. And for that, I am deeply grateful.

With joy,

     Rudi Harst

THANK YOU for holding the Circle in your heart by visualizing a generous flow of financial abundance. Thank you for supporting us as we continue our work of fostering a creative, inclusive approach to spirituality. We are deeply grateful.

MADE IN THE SHADE

     We haven't had much rain around here since the last week in May, yet temperatures have been hovering near 100 degrees almost daily for over a month, leaving our surroundings parched and dry.  So when some rain finally arrived last night, I was really grateful, even though we only got about ¼ of an inch from all that thunder and lightning.

     And then the sun came out this morning, evaporating whatever water had landed and instantly turning the city of San Antonio into Sauna Antonio once again. The moment I walk out the door, the ambient humidity hangs heavy on my skin, like a thick, too-warm blanket, making even small tasks like taking out the trash or walking the dogs seem like it's too much trouble.

 

GRATEFUL FOR THE BLESSINGS

     It's one of those days that make me feel particularly thankful for the blessings of central air conditioning, and for the solar panels on our home, which make the AC more affordable. And yet...I also love being outdoors, and am uncomfortable with the idea of feeling stuck inside my body's reliance on air-conditioned comfort. Humans lived without AC since time out of mind, and as recently as the 1950's, many public buildings and most residences (including my childhood home) were not air-conditioned. How did we come to be so dependent on this now ubiquitous technology in just 50 years time?

 

SURROUNDED BY REMINDERS

     Fortunately, our yard is filled with giant pecan and hackberry trees which make it possible to sit out here comfortably, for even the slightest breeze, combined with the shade, dissipates much of the heat. The thermometer on the side of our house reads 98 degrees, but here in the shade it's quite pleasant. That's a good thing, because I've been drawn outside by the bright sunshine and puffy clouds floating through the sheer vastness of the deep blue sky, providing a much-needed antidote to the hypnotic glare of the various-sized computer screens I've been staring at for hours while working.  

     And then there are the various songbirds that I can't see, but can clearly hear, calling out to each other from far and near, back and forth, drawing me into their conversations. Meanwhile, a red-tail hawk circles high overhead, seeking its' next meal in the grass below, while cicadas buzz all around, having spent several years underground in their larval state, before emerging for a few brief weeks of loud courtship before dying.

    Meanwhile, a slow but steady stream of leaves comes fluttering down out of the trees at random intervals, one at a time, graphic reminders of just how small and transient I am in the big scheme of things. And how soon Autumn will arrive.

 

GRATEFUL FOR THE LESSONS

     Sitting in the office, hemmed in by four walls and the ceaseless procession of e-mails, posts and phone calls crawling across my desktop, it's easy to allow the twin illusions of permanence and self-importance to trick me into imagining that the world revolves around me and my thoughts. But out here, the birds, trees, cicadas and breezes all conspire to demonstrate again and again, that everything and every one is temporary, for "This, too, shall pass."  I, for one, am deeply grateful for the reminder -- and am hopeful that you, too, will be able to spend some time outdoors sometime soon. 

With joy,

     Rudi Harst

THANK YOU for holding the Circle in your heart by visualizing a generous flow of financial abundance. Thank you for supporting us as we continue our work of fostering a creative, inclusive approach to spirituality. We are deeply grateful.

LATE-BREAKING NEWS FLASH!!!

Zet has just been named the Texas Festival and Events Association Professional of the Year! We are in Ft. Worth for the annual TFEA convention, where Zet received this prestigious award from her peers in the event production industry. This award is in recognition of her many years of organizing and developing the King William Fair, as well as all her work with the Celebration Circle and numerous other non-profit organizations.

 

I don't know if you're aware of how truly blessed we are to have Zet's energy in the Celebration Circle.  She brings such a loving, caring and organizing force to everything she's involved in, but most of what she does goes largely unrecognized, because she works so quietly and effectively, seldom drawing attention to herself.  After twenty-five years of organizing our weekly Circle gatherings, as well as the many art exhibits, classes, retreats and concerts that the Circle offers, she makes it all look easy, but it isn't always. As Spiritual Director of the Circle, as well as her partner (and a grateful beneficiary of her gifts as a facilitator, producer and organizer) for the past 38 years, I'm delighted that she has finally received this high level of recognition for her many years of service to the ideals of community and creativity, translated into action through her loving attention to detail.

It was a meaningful day for her with family and friends present. Her brother and sister-in-law, Gary & Ann, drove in from Oklahoma City, plus her brother Linus flew in from San Antonio for the presentation. Mateo and I were glad to be there to witness her happiness, along with her co-worker, Syeira Budd, plus other Fiesta event friends joining in. It was a special time!  Congratulations, Zet!

With joy,

Rudi

BACK AND FORTH

     The weather forecast says it will get back up to 100 degrees again this afternoon, but right now, it's a pleasant 78 degrees and the early morning breeze makes it downright pleasant to be here on the screened porch. I spend a lot of time indoors, breathing air-conditioning, for which I'm grateful. But mornings and evenings I do my best to spend some time outdoors, surrounded by greenery and feeling the gifts of time and space. I wish you could be here on the porch with me, but since that's not possible, I'll simply share a poem I wrote years ago, and invite you into this space:

 

Wrapped in a robe of sunlit silence

the armless rocking chair takes me back

to where I haven't been for far too long

moving in place, back and forth,

noiseless as the swishing of my tabby cat's tail.

 

Just five minutes earlier,

I was firmly wrapped in a relentless hurry -

barely past sunrise and already my plate was full

of projects, plans and unkept promises,

feeling sullen and surly

wondering how did it get so late so early?

 

This quiet moment

snuck over the threshold on soft-slipper feet

first catching me by surprise

now holding me as willing captive.

 

This is my Waterloo, and I surrender to you, little rocking chair

Feed your prisoner steamed brown rice,

one grain at a time

water my thirsty heart,

tear my well-planned day apart.

    

With joy,

     Rudi

PS

And a few personal invitations for those of you who want to get out and "do" something this Summer.

Please join me for these evenings of music as I share my passion for entertaining and enlightening, anytime, anywhere:

Saturday, July 22, 5:00 - 7:30pm, Barriba Cantina on the Riverwalk, 111 W. Crockett

Saturday, July 29, 7:30 - 9:00pm, Unity Church Coffeehouse, CommUnity Center, 8103 Broadway

THANK YOU for holding the Circle in your heart by visualizing a generous flow of financial abundance. Thank you for supporting us as we continue our work of fostering a creative, inclusive approach to spirituality. We are deeply grateful.

TAKING ACTION

     I've heard several friends fret about last week's round of hard-hitting news:  North Korea's first successful ICBM missile launch; the public acrimony swirling around what the Trump administration did or didn't do; the melting ice sheet in Antarctica; the horrifying acts of violence in Nigeria, Syria and Afghanistan; the outbreak of murders in Chicago. The list of reasons to feel scared, mad and/or hopeless goes on and on, if that's where you chose to focus your attention.

TAKING STOCK

     But I choose to remember that I am not the victim of the circumstances surrounding us, much less the latest headlines. I am always free to choose where to focus my time, energy and attention. In the words of Mark Morford, columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle, "For every ongoing war and religious outrage and environmental devastation... there are a thousand counterbalancing acts of staggering generosity and humanity and art and beauty happening all over the world, right now, on a breathtaking scale, from flower box to cathedral...  Resist the temptation to drown in fatalism, to shake your head and sigh and just throw in the karmic towel...  Realize that this is the perfect moment to change the energy of the world, to step right up and crank your personal volume. Right when it all seems dark and bitter and offensive and acrimonious and conflicted and bilious... there's your opening." 

TAKING A CHANCE

     I am not here to bury my head in the sand and deny the existence of the war, darkness and devastation in the world - but I choose to invest my time and energy in planting seeds of peace and possibility instead. That's why I invite you to join us this Sunday in the Circle, where once again we'll be focusing on the power of naming, claiming and framing our own stories. We'll share words, music and meditations that magnify the human potential of our hearts and minds, added to our Spiritual identity of our souls, and multiplied by the number of us gathered to explore, experience and express our Oneness. I hope you can join us, whether in person or from afar, as we engage in this important antidote to fear and hopelessness, one breath, one prayer, one person at a time.

At least, that's my invitation, but I'm sticking to it.  

     

With joy,

     Rudi

THANK YOU for holding the Circle in your heart by visualizing a generous flow of financial abundance. Thank you for supporting us as we continue our work of fostering a creative, inclusive approach to spirituality. We are deeply grateful.

TO DO OR NOT TO DO

     Zet, Mateo and I drove to Albuquerque last week for Mateo's three-day Freshman Orientation session at the University of New Mexico. It was a heart-warming, mind-melting experience, and a wonderful opportunity to practice the "empty nest syndrome" for a couple of days. Afterwards, Zet stayed in New Mexico for a weeklong art camp, while Mateo and I drove home via Durango, where we spent a few days deep in the San Juan Mountains, visiting dear friends.

     Mateo is a wonderful travelling companion, and I was grateful to be able to spend that time together before he heads off to college "for real" next month. However, we had car trouble on the way home, as well as many hours of driving through heavy rainstorms, and arrived back in San Antonio feeling exhausted, rather than rested.

    So now, I'm sitting at my desk for the first time in ten days, feeling overwhelmed by the sheer volume of papers, tasks and phone calls/e-mails that need attention. But I know this feeling all too well, and this time I refuse to let myself get pulled back down into that dark, moldy old hole.

 

CHOOSE AGAIN

     Instead I choose to take a few moments to remember my statement of purpose: "to experience, explore and express the free flow of Life moving to me, through me, as me, in a world of prosperity and peace."

     Those are fine words, and of course, they're far easier to say than put into action. But that doesn't make it less important -- or any less possible -- to stay focused on the power of being propelled by my purpose, rather than feeling powerless in the face of the circumstances in front of me, as was so often the case in years past.

     Sure, part of me is fully prepared to head back into that tired, old familiar habit pattern once again. And yet... as I pause in the headlong rush to Get There, just long enough to remember who and where I AM right NOW, a subtle but power-full shift occurs. Lifting my heart, shifting my vision, feeling my Wholeness as part of the Whole, I release my need to control what comes next.

 

TRUST AGAIN

      Rather than feeling defeated by these tasks, I choose to take a few deep breaths, in order to relax, remember, review, and take responsibility for who I AM in truth, and what I'm really here to do:

     1. I relax (from the Latin relaxare, "to let loose"), and feel my willingness to let go

     2. I remember (from the Latin, rememorari, "call to mind") o clear my mind of the limiting beliefs and memories of what has gone before, and focus on the present moment.

     3. I review (from the French revoir, "to see again") is to look beyond what was, then open myself to new possibilities.

     4. I take responsibility, knowing that I am "response-able" and fully able to respond to the tasks in front of me, trusting that I have all the time and resources necessary to handle all these things I've attracted into my life...

 

BACK AGAIN

      Afterwards, I open my eyes and see my desk in a new light. It's still full of papers, tasks and phone calls to be made. But now they are no longer problems to be solved or challenges to be overcome. Instead, they're just invitations to a dance with Spirit and reflect, connect and communicate with others... Trusting that all of the necessary tools, guides and resources are available, I feel fully capable of doing what needs to be done in service to the One Love connecting us to the All and the Everything. At least, that's my story, and this is how I choose to see it.

     

    With joy,

     Rudi

THANK YOU for holding the Circle in your heart by visualizing a generous flow of financial abundance. Thank you for supporting us as we continue our work of fostering a creative, inclusive approach to spirituality. We are deeply grateful.