Saturday, August 19, 2017

TAKING A TRIP


     Here we are, helping Mateo move into his college dorm room, located on the third floor of an old building with no elevator. Between making multiple trips up and down these narrow concrete stairs carrying luggage - as well as a couple of walks back and forth to our car, parked halfway across campus - my lungs and legs are feeling maxed out.
 
MAKING A TRANSITION
     Please don't misunderstand. I'm not complaining; there's no place I'd rather be than here with Zet, supporting our son in his transition to college life. It's just that these circumstances are making me feel "old" for the very first time. Turning 65 a few months ago, and dealing with Social Security and Medicare was no big deal; that was just a matter of numbers and government regulations. And watching our "little boy" turn his attention away from our family and toward his new life at the University of New Mexico was a little tough, but we'd long been expecting that, because it's a normal part of the growth process.
 
CATCHING MY BREATH
     But this moment feels different. I tell myself that the reason I'm gasping for breath on the 3rd floor landing is because Albuquerque is 5,000 feet above sea level, which is about 4,000 feet higher than San Antonio. And that's probably true, too. But there's something else that's different about this physical sensation of fatigue, combined with the act of crossing over this threshold to Mateo's new life, as well as the smell of this old stairwell, which brings up old memories of being a college freshman myself many years ago, in a dorm building that smelled, sounded and felt much like the one I'm standing in now. That particular combination of sensations has just sucker-punched me, sending me lurching downward on a gut-wrenching journey across the many years that have passed by and into the depths of the mysterious abyss that lies ahead - a voyage through many decades in the span of a few seconds.
 
FEELING GRATEFUL
     Leaning against the wall to catch my breath while carrying another suitcase, I take another glance down the stairwell, and feel the power of simply being aware of all the thoughts, feelings and sensations spiraling within and around me. Grounded in this awareness, it's easy to embrace and accept this situation as yet another gift from Source, then shift into a place of deep gratitude for all of it: the joy and sorrow, the fun and the fatigue, the faith and confusion. How wonderful to be here in this particular space, at this particular moment, experiencing this particular set of circumstances. May I remember to continue being grateful for it all.
 
With love and blessings,
     Rudi Harst

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