STARTING FRESH

   

      As I wake up, I begin the day as usual, with a brief prayer of gratitude and a few moments of savoring the many blessings of my life. But those moments of bliss are quickly shoved aside by thoughts of the long list of things I need to do today, due to a particularly full week ahead of us. Not even fully awake, and already part of me is up and running before my feet have even touched the floor.

 

OLD THOUGHTS

     Fortunately, that semi-panicked feeling is an old acquaintance of mine, and this time, instead of letting him throw me for a loop, I simply acknowledge it's presence, then chose to focus on getting calm, centered and focused on my purpose, which is "to experience, explore and express the free flow of Love."

     From this space, it's easier to remember what I am really here to do today: to Love and be loved. And that I lack nothing, for there is nothing more I need to know, do or have in order to fulfill my purpose.

 

NEW CHOICES

     All I am being asked to do is to show up with an open mind, an open heart and a willingness to recognize each person and situation I encounter along the way as a potential teacher, here to help me become more present and less resistant to the free flow of Love.

     And, yes, I still have a long list of things to do but I might as well do them from a place of peace. At least until my Monkey Mind kicks in again... Which will just give me another chance to remember again, too.  

With gratitude and blessings,

     Rudi

SUNNY SIDE UP

      I went to see the dermatologist for my annual checkup this week, as I have for the past five years. Once again, he used liquid nitrogen to freeze off about fifty small, pre-cancerous sunspots distributed around my face, back, arms and legs. Based on past experience, I knew in advance that it would probably hurt quite a bit (for a guy with a well-demonstrated intolerance for pain) and be somewhat expensive. Still, it's worth it, because any one of these small patches of slightly rough skin, known scientifically as solar keratosis, has a good chance of becoming cancerous over time, especially for those of us who spend a significant amount of time outdoors while living in sun-drenched areas like South Texas. 

THROUGH THE YEARS

     There's really nothing to worry about, as long as I keep going back and have the doctor monitor this skin condition. The reason I'm mentioning it here is to share the awareness with others who might be at risk for skin cancer - which is basically anyone else who's over the age of 50 and has lived in a warm climate for most of their lives.  As Dr. Duncan pointed out, sun damage is cumulative, and any skin abnormalities I see today correspond to sun exposure from forty years ago. Forty years!

     Intellectually, I know that every action we take has consequences. But this particular visit to the dermatologist is such a concrete demonstration of that principle that it takes me by the shoulder and shakes me to the core. Had anyone told 24-year-old Rudi that sunbathing with his pals on the riverbank for days on end would have costly and painful results forty years later, he would probably have laughed, slathered on more baby oil and rolled over to get a more even tan.

MAKING CHOICES

     Fortunately, by the time I was in my late 20's, and since then I have become more health conscious in general, and aware of the importance of wearing sunscreen, hat and long sleeves when outdoors. But in the aftermath of this week's visit to the doctor, as these painful spots heal, I can't help but find myself wondering what other consequences am I living with as a results of past choices? And, more importantly, what choices and habits can I cultivate today, in order to reap more positive, healthful consequences in the future? Just wondering... 

With gratitude and blessings,

     Rudi

MAKING CHOICES

    Once upon a time, not that long ago, a chiropractor who had been treating both Zet and I for several years, half-jokingly observed that Zet was so tough that she could probably take 23 bullets and keep on coming, while I have such a low threshold of pain that just hearing the sound of gunfire would probably cause me to fall to the ground and scream "I think I got shot!"

 

GETTING HURT

     I don't mind admitting that there's definitely some truth in that.  Especially in the aftermath of slamming the car door shut on the index finger of my right hand earlier this week while I was loading the car and got distracted by our dog. Zet was nearby when it happened, and she immediately wrapped it with ice and administered arnica pellets, so the after effects aren't as bad as they might have been. Still, there's a deep bruise beneath the nail bed, and the top half of my finger is mighty stiff and sore. Being sensitive to pain, it really hurts. Being a professional guitarist, I can't help but feel concerned about my future ability to hold a guitar pick the way I have been for the past 50 years.

 

FEELING PAIN

     Rationally, I know it's no big deal, because the bruise will probably heal in a few days. Spiritually, I'm clear that all is well and all shall be well. Even if, for some reason, this finger doesn't heal completely, I have faith that I'll either find a different way to strum guitar or create new ways of making music that won't involve that particular digit. And yet... I can't help but notice how often I seem to keep banging this one finger into things, and how each time the stabbing pain causes fearful little thoughts to pop up in my brain, proclaiming this to be a disaster.

     It's amazing how easy it is to fixate on one, small problem like this, while ignoring how much of life is going very well. Sure, one-third of one of my ten fingers is throbbing, but the other nine fingers are fine, as are both of my hands and feet, as well as all of the many organs, bones and complex bodily systems that are functioning perfectly.

 

CHOOSING BLESSINGS

    Having noticed this often-used tendency to focus on the negative, I'm doing my best to use this situation as an opportunity to practice focusing on blessings instead. So, when I bump into the sore spot, rather than automatically shrinking into pain and fear, I breathe into the sensations, and send healing thoughts to the places that hurt. Not just to the tip of the index finger, but to the little boy who keeps kicking himself for not paying attention to a slamming car door; to the older guy who keeps worrying about his future abilities to play guitar and/or stay creative; to the holier-than-thou critic who berates me for howling in pain and screaming awful curses at myself, the dog and the car door in the immediate aftermath of the incident.

     Like I said, it's no big deal. In a couple of weeks, this will all be ancient history. In the meantime, it's just another opportunity to practice focusing on the many blessings that life keeps bringing, rather than the challenges. Or not. It's simply a matter of choice. As the late Wayne Dyer used to say, "Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional."    

With gratitude and blessings,

    Rudi

LIVING FROM THE INSIDE OUT

     In preparation for my 64th birthday later this week, I gave myself a couple of days of contemplative space to prepare consciously for the coming year. In addition to being quiet and creative by turns, I spent some time revising my personal list of Ten Allowances. This is a set of personal guidelines that I wrote shortly after our sixteen year-old son, Mateo, was born, as a way of summarizing and reinforcing the spiritual principles and practices that I choose to use as the basis for living from the Inside Out. I've found these to be very helpful in dealing with the incessant societal pressure to live from the "Outside In" and focus on doing rather than being, on products rather than process.

   A few years later I revised them as the summary chapter of my book, Hurry Slowly, and now I've rewritten them again. They've evolved as I've evolved, and no doubt they'll change again in years to come. In the meantime, I offer them here for your consideration.

 

TEN ALLOWANCES 

1.    I allow myself time to listen.  Sitting still and focusing directly on Deep Silence works -- but so does focusing on a flower, rock or candle. I give myself regular opportunities to simmer in the silent spaces between my thoughts. It takes practice.

 

2.  I allow myself time to connect with my Purpose in life.  Having created a succinct and powerful Statement of Purpose, I focus on it frequently.

 

3.  I allow myself to follow my intuition. It is central to staying on course and living from the inside out. (Hint: It requires listening.  See #1 above.) 

 

4.  I allow myself good food and drink.  There's no need to get rigid about it -- but my body's engine functions better when it is being filled with the optimum fuel. I already know what those foods are, and I eat them as often as possible.

 

5.  I allow myself time to do what I love to do as frequently as possible. Better to spend a few minutes doing it today than to put it off until that Magical Someday when I'll have more time.

 

6.  I allow myself to notice what I really "dislike" to do - then do it anyway from time to time, with as much love as I can muster.  Amazing gifts arise from embracing the activities/people I dislike, instead of trying to push them away. 

 

7.  I allow myself to "fail" the tests and temptations that arise occasionally.  The tests are inevitable.  Some I'll pass with flying colors; some I may seem to "fail" miserably.  But the Good News is that these are "open book tests," i.e. the answers (or at least some helpful clues) are usually available when I stop, look and listen with my heart.  (see #1...)

8.  I allow myself to associate with other people who are doing what they love to do.  Birds of a feather succeed together! I do my best to give, buy or barter from people who are doing/selling what they truly love - and others tend to do the same for me.

9.  I allow myself to notice if what I'm doing feels too hard.  As soon as possible, I pause to spend a few moments relaxing until the feeling of struggle passes and is replaced with a sense of peace. Nobody said life would always feel fun - but, by and large, there's no reason why things can't feel peaceful.

10. I allow myself to enjoy the process of remembering my Path.  It's important not to beat myself up when I forget or lose my way. When I notice that I'm off track, I let myself feel good about the fact that I've remembered.  What I focus on expands -- so I might as well focus on peace, love and abundance.  

With love and blessings,

     Rudi

MORE THAN JUST HEARTS AND FLOWERS

Nellie Harst & Rudi Harst

    This Sunday is Mother's Day, and economists are predicting another record year of spending across the nation for this special day. Last year, Americans spent an average of $172 per family on buying Mom jewelry, flowers, gift cards and meals, totaling approximately $21 billion - and there's every reason to believe that this year's total will be significantly higher.

     Not that there's anything wrong with buying stuff. I'm pretty sure that my son, Mateo, and I will do something special for Zet this weekend, and it's a safe bet that some of her favorite foods and flowers will be involved, and that money will be spent.

MORE THAN EVER

     But, celebrating Mother's Day can involve much more than just buying presents, sending cards or heaping sweet words on one special person. Because this day is also a great opportunity to feel our deep spiritual connection to the Divine Mother, and digest the complex stew of thoughts, feelings and energies which she engenders.

     I believe that's why Mother's Day is usually one of our best-attended Sunday Circles of the year. As we build a communal altar with photos and mementos of our mothers, bring up fond memories, and send forth blessings to our loved ones, the room inevitably gets filled to the brim with deep feelings, songs, poems, and prayers focused on our collective experience of the Divine Mother - as well as our individual Mothers.

 MORE THAN YOU KNOW 

     But, I also know that every year there are a number of people who hesitate to attend our Mother's Day Circle. Perhaps they're still grieving their recently deceased Loved One. Or, perhaps because they had painful, dysfunctional relationships with their parent(s) - and are therefore reluctant to attend such a "happy space," where everyone else seems so much more positive.

     Should you happen to feel like that this Sunday, please consider attending anyway. Because as much as we enjoy focusing on peace, love and joy in the Circle, we also affirm the power that can come from facing and embracing the full spectrum of our thoughts and feelings in the context of the shared rituals, poetry, artistry, songs and silence we foster in the Circle. That's because our purpose is to honor and nurture the Sacred in ourselves, each other and ALL Creation - not just the fun stuff, the good feelings and smiley faces - but the dark places, the shadow spaces and the healing graces, too.

 MORE PERSPECTIVES

     To that end, we are very fortunate to have Dr. Malgorzata Oleszkiewicz-Peralba as our guest speaker this Sunday, sharing her deep, cross-cultural insight into the nature of the Divine Mother - not just as a historical figure, but as a vital force in contemporary spirituality as well. She is one of the world's leading authorities on the subject, having conducted extensive research and fieldwork throughout Europe, the Near East and Latin America for over 20 years.

     In any case, wherever you are and however you choose to celebrate Mother's Day, I hope you will take a few moments to join us in consciousness on Sunday morning, as together we embrace the Divine Mother alive in us all.

With love and blessings,

      Rudi

DANCERS IN THE LIGHT

    I really wish you could be here with me to see all these fireflies flashing in the growing darkness surrounding our home. It's definitely one of those sights that's much more fun to share with someone else than to digest alone. But since you're not here, I've given myself over to the experience and have become hypnotized by the mesmerizing sight of countless mysterious creatures, each dancing in the glow of their self-made light, while collectively blanketing the landscape with their seemingly random patterns of flickering dots.

THRIVING HERE

     The heavily wooded creek beds and relatively large lawns in our neighborhood have always been fairly hospitable to these bioluminescent wonders of the insect world, but this is definitely the best display I've seen in the fifteen years we've lived here, possibly because of the warm, wet winter and spring seasons we've had. Here's a peek:

DISAPPEARING THERE

     Elsewhere around around the world, fireflies (sometimes referred to as "lightning bugs") are said to be disappearing at an alarming rate. Nobody knows exactly why, although there's some fairly solid evidence pointing at the increased use of pesticides, as well as the ever-decreasing availability of open, green spaces adjacent to the fireflies' ideal habitat: marshes, ponds, streams and other sources of warm, standing water. Then, too, some biologists speculate that increasing levels of light pollution from homes, cars, stores and streetlight may be disrupting the fireflies' ability to signal each other during mating season - and thereby resulting in fewer firefly larvae being born each year.

 

BEING HERE

     Whatever the reasons for their declining numbers elsewhere - and their booming population in our neighborhood - it is an absolute delight to be standing here in the front yard, surrounded by these ever-shifting crowds of luminous beings. What a gift it is to observe my mind being lifted to a higher, quieter space, where it is being emptied out of all the busy-ness of this day by the slowly drifting, ever-shifting field of a thousand points of light. Soon I, too, seem to be floating on the evening breeze alongside the lightning bugs, where I'm gently ushered into full awareness of this precious, present moment by the heady scent of the night-blooming jasmine; the chirping of the tree frogs against the rasping cicadas; the acrobatic bats and night hawks flitting overhead, the moonlight filtered through the trees.

     Inviting me to remember, once again, just how much there is to notice and appreciate, how many small miracles seem to escape my attention on a regular basis. These fireflies have been out here every night for several weeks, but I hadn't paid much attention, until now. But now that I have, how effortlessly they rekindle such sweet memories of childhood, while simultaneously opening the door into the Now... 

FEELING GRATEFUL

     Soon it will be time to go back inside, to wash the dishes and finish writing notes for tomorrow. But, for now, it's enough to stand here a few minutes longer, feeling just a little bit stronger for having stood here in the darkness, watching this peaceful, palpable demonstration of the power of even the smallest light to penetrate even the deepest, darkest night, one moment at a time.

 

With joy,

     Rudi

SPRING SINGS

     As far as I'm concerned, this is the best time of the year in South Texas - the few brief weeks when the temperature is warm enough for shirtsleeves, yet cool enough to leave our windows open, without having to think about turning on the air conditioner. The recent rains have painted our yard a dozen different shades of green, dotted with colorful wildflowers, while the night blooming jasmine outside the office door has so many fragrant blossoms that the sweetness is almost more than my nose can bear.

A WONDROUS SIGHT

     Soon enough the summer heat will blanket the area for months on end, leaving much of this verdant vegetation brown and dry once again. But for now, it provides the perfect backdrop for the purple martins dancing in the morning breeze, inviting me to look up from my desk periodically and feel the sheer grace of being alive at this particularly delicious juncture of time and space. To wander outside whenever possible, breathe in the expansive energy of growth and renewal, and listen to the song of creation, reverberating from every surface in sight.

YOU'RE INVITED

     Having received this generous invitation, I will do my best to weave it into the words and music we'll be sharing during our time of creative ritual and reflection in this week's Sunday Morning Circle honoring Earth Day. In the meantime, wherever you're living and whatever you're doing, here's hoping that you, too, will find yourself outdoors sometime soon, with eyes, ears and heart wide open to absorb the blessings of this renewing, refreshing burst of spring energy.

     With joy,

     Rudi