My daughter, Sarah, Zet and I are
zooming through the Dutch countryside, early on a cold, gray morning,
heading toward Amsterdam to catch our flight back to San Antonio
after three weeks of sweet suspension from our "regular"
life. Much of our time was spent immersed in multiple dimensions of
pleasure, beginning with our daughter's story-book, three-day wedding
celebration, wrapped inside a sunny, week-long, beachfront vacation
on the Mediterranean island of Ibiza, followed by a heartwarming ten
days of post-wedding, domestic bliss in Sarah's home town of The
Hague.
MAKING IT HARD
It's been wonderful to spend
this time visiting with friends and our newly-enlarged family,
especially our step-granddaughters, Panther (age 7) and Arizona (age
9), who were already very close to our ten-year old granddaughter,
Aiko, and quickly bonded with Oma Zet. What a lively household! Add
in the joy of grazing our way through numerous feasts of favorite
Dutch/Indoneasian foods, re-connecting with long-time friends and
re-visiting some of my old stomping grounds from the 1970's, and
you've got a can't-miss recipe for a great vacation. I'm not exactly
grieving, but it sure is tough to think of leaving all of this
behind.
We are mostly quiet as Sarah
drives through heavy traffic, focused on arriving at the airport on
time. The silence allows my mind to ricochet wildly between replaying
the joyful highlights of these past three weeks and projecting into
the looming sadness of leaving this sweet family and country that I
love so much, knowing that it may be quite awhile before we return.
Bouncing between the past and future, alternately burning with pain,
beaming with pleasure and seeking some measure of peace, I get off
the mental rollercoaster just long enough to take a slow, deep
breath... and then another...
TAKING IT EASY
In the silence, I feel the
soft embrace of the Divine - gently reminding me that I've been so
busy zooming around inside my mind that I've overlooked the
extraordinary treasures available right here within the moment at
hand. "Sure, those times in Ibiza and Den Haag were delicious,
and sure, it's hard to leave your loved ones," the Still Small
Voice seems to say, "but what about Now?"
Caught by surprise, I look
with fresh eyes at this incredibly beautiful, kind, capable and
strong woman at the steering wheel, fully engaged in this wonderful
life she has created. And then there's my best friend and beloved
wife, Zet, seated right next to me on this latest journey, just as
she has been for the last 35 years. It's astonishing to feel that
vast field of love radiating between the three of us, filling this
car to overflowing. How could I possibly have overlooked that?
And why in the world would
I spend so much of this precious, hour-long ride to the airport
clinging to the past or regretting an unavoidable future? Why not
simply savor the richness of this present, precious moment in the
company of these two amazing women I love so deeply? Let the joy and
the sorrow, the faith and confusion, the past and future be present,
too? There's plenty of room for all of them -- and so much more --
within my heart, if I'm willing to embrace them all.
ENJOYING IT ALL
Within a split second, the
time-space continuum seems to melt away completely, and rather than
hurtling through rush hour traffic, we're moving in slow motion,
floating in an ocean of love that stretches out in all directions,
inside and all around us.
Soon enough, we'll arrive at
the airport, share goodbye hugs and lug our bags toward the departure
gate and whatever else lies waiting ahead. But for now, I'm savoring
this moment, knowing that it is enough.
With gratitude and
blessings,
Rudi
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