Saturday, February 11, 2017

ONE CHOICE AT A TIME


     It's that humbling time of the year again for a gardener like me, who has neither the time nor the skill to do much more than the bare minimum of yard work. We had a relatively mild, wet winter in South Texas, so most of the flowers, fruit trees and shrubbery in our yard remained lush and green well into New Year. But then we had an unusually hard freeze in mid-January, when temperatures dipped down to 18, and burned all that greenery in one fell swoop. Seemingly overnight, our yard became a sad sight, full of long, scraggly, grey branches and crumbling brown leaves.
 
PONDERING
     So, here I sit, going through an internal wrestling match. In one corner stands my innate desire to start pruning all this "unsightly" growth, so that our yard will look "tidy" again, especially since the size and amount of "dead" branches is larger than usual.  In the other corner stands the conventional gardening wisdom, which says to wait till after Valentine's Day to start pruning, lest some new growth appear on the branches and be nipped by a late freeze, which theoretically can happen as late as March 2nd -- or March 10th - in this part of town, depending on which source you choose to believe).
 
PRUNING
     And then there's the fact that I love pruning; it's such a direct way to feel connected to the earth, and yields clearly visible results - so unlike the endless stream of phone calls, e-mails and paper trails I generate on a daily basis. Plus, it's a particularly beautiful day, with clear blue skies and an energizing breeze beckoning from outdoors, where I'd much rather be than here working at my desk.
     On the other hand, there's the late freeze date to consider. And who's to say that a bunch of gray, spindly branches are "ugly" anyway? They have their own claim to aesthetic beauty, right?
 
REFLECTING
     But as I stop the mental debate about pruning long enough to relax and breathe calmly for a minute, I realize that what I'm really wrestling with has little to do with the garden. What I'm feeling is a deep sense of loss and grief, in the aftermath of a dear friend's death, whose memorial service I wasn't able to travel to this week. And the impending death of another friend who is in his final days of hospice care.  The bare bushes and branches in the garden are merely acting as tangible reminders of these losses, forcing me to stare into the uncomfortable reflection of my own mortality.
 
And the desire to go out and "fix" the garden by pruning today? That's just a way of avoiding the unavoidable grief and discomfort... One of the most important things I've learned on the spiritual path is the importance of simply "being with" any discomfort as it arises, rather than strengthening it through avoidance and/or resistance. As the saying goes: "What you resist, persists." 
 
RESONATING
     Rather than grabbing either my pruning shears or my laptop computer, I chose to sit and simmer in the silence, breathing slowly for a few more moments. It doesn't take long before I'm reminded once again: " All is well, and all shall be well" - not just as an intellectual idea, but as a rich, resonant field of calm, centered energy moving through every cell and fiber of my being. Ahhh... Now I'm ready to get back to work at my desk. Nothing's changed, and yet the willingness to face and embrace my discomfort has made all the difference. The garden can wait. 

With gratitude and blessings,
    Rudi
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