There I was, stuck in the middle of the Bay Bridge, halfway between San Francisco and Berkeley. Rush hour traffic was at a total standstill, with no sign of movement in sight. Tired after yet another long day of driving around the Bay Area in the company car. Part of me felt like most of the other drivers around me, alternately honking their horns in frustration or sitting slumped down in their seats in resignation. But then I noticed the light of the setting sun, shimmering through the thick fingers of fog rolling in from the Pacific, crawling through the cables of the Golden Gate Bridge. It was a sight I'd seen several times since Zet and I had moved to the Bay Area three years earlier, but somehow this sunset was different, more compelling.
THE JOURNEY BEGINS
Entranced, I got out of the car and walked across five lanes of traffic to get a better look from the sidewalk. Sinking into a tai chi stance and slowly breathing in the beauty spread out before me, I couldn't help feeling extremely lucky that while my car was stuck in the traffic jam around me, I felt totally free. Suddenly I knew the time had come to quit my job and beginning living my dream of creative spiritual expression. So I gave my two weeks' notice, and set off on this amazing journey that I've been living ever since. At the time it seemed a little crazy, but as I look back on that moment 30 years later, it makes perfect sense.
I'd begun singing professionally in 1972, as a sophomore at Trinity University, eager to "make it" in the music business, without having any idea what that really meant. So I spent the next ten years flailing around the local music scene, punctuated by two extended stays in England and the Netherlands, a couple of disastrous romances, and multiple internal collisions with my lower self before I had the good fortune to meet and marry Zet, who supported me in becoming more focused, organized and successful.
MOVING ON
Eager to broaden our horizons and further my musical career, we packed our life into a VW bug and moved to New York in June 1982. We arrived in Manhattan with $900 in cash and an invitation to crash on a friend's sofa bed, neither of which lasted very long. Needing money to pay rent, we got hired to help produce the Whole Life Expo, billed as the first large-scale New Age fair, focused on promoting holistic health and a wide spectrum of spiritual teachers and teachings. Fortunately, it proved to be a big success, and Zet and I were invited to move to California and produce subsequent Expo's planned for San Francisco and Los Angeles.
So we packed up our VW once again and moved to Berkeley, where we lived in an intentional community and got further acquainted with the astounding assortment of spiritual paths and alternative lifestyle choices California had to offer. My soul was on fire, but somewhere in the midst of all that hustle and bustle, I lost touch with my reason for singing.
By the beginning of 1984, I hung up my guitar, quit working with the Expo and became an administrative assistant for Kaiser Permanente, a vast health maintenance organization. It was my first and only job in the corporate world, after years of being a free-spirited musician, event producer and waiter/bartender. I wasn't fond of the work but kept plugging away because it paid well enough to allow me to do what I really wanted to do: explore my burgeoning spiritual path.
THE NEXT STEP
Then one Sunday morning, that path led us to the Unity Church of Walnut Creek, where I heard both the minister and the featured vocalist sharing their ministry from a place of depth, love and affirmation that was totally different from anything I'd experienced before. With both my spiritual and musical appetites whetted, I soon became part of their musical ministry team, where I learned to write and sing from a Spirit-centered place of service, rather than an ego-centered need to succeed.
At about the same time, a friend gave me a copy of You Can Have It All written by Arnold Patent. The book described a path to living a purpose-driven life, focused on a simple, but powerful reading of metaphysical principles which moved me so deeply that I wrote the author, who immediately wrote back asking me to sing for a personal growth workshop he was leading in the Bay Area that very same week.
We quickly developed a wonderful working relationship, and I began travelling all over the country with Arnold, providing music for at least two weekend workshops every month. During the weeks I wasn't travelling with him, I recorded my first album of spiritual songs, continued singing at the Unity Church in Walnut Creek, and began receiving invitations to perform in other New Thought churches and spiritual centers.
ONE STEP AT A TIME
Within a few months, my budding career as a spiritual troubadour was booming, and I was raring to go fulltime. But when I told Arnold that I intended to quit my job at Kaiser Permanente in order to "follow my bliss," he strong advised me against it and patiently explained the need to develop an unconditional love and acceptance for my work, before I could move on. "How long will that take?" I asked, feeling deflated.
"Don't worry," he replied, "you'll know when you're done. In the meantime, stay focused on loving yourself and your job, just the way they are, until you feel at peace." So, that's what I did, working at my day job while travelling and singing on the weekends, deepening my spiritual studies and participating in a support group which helped me stay focused on the task at hand. It took over a year, but just as Arnold had promised, I knew exactly when the moment had arrived as I stood there on the Bay Bridge, feeling deep peace while stuck in a rush hour traffic jam.
That's how I got started on this path of service as a writer, performance artist and Spiritual Director of the Celebration Circle. Then, as now, I choose to remain focused on my purpose, which is "to experience, explore and express the free flow of Spirit, now... And now... and now..."
HERE AND NOW
I love this work that I now have the privilege of doing, and I'm deeply committed to it, but it's not all sweetness and light. There are plenty of challenges and times when I find myself feeling confused or uncertain about what to do in a particular situation. When that happens, I do my best to recall the feeling of standing on the Bay Bridge and the metaphysical principles which brought me there, including: (1) It's helpful to have a vision of where you want to go, but it's vital to come to peace with where you are first; (2) change is seldom a linear process, unfolding in spurts and sputters that require patience and persistence; and (3) you've got to do it by yourself, but you can't do it alone, i.e. it sure helps to have the on-going support of like-minded people to help you stay on purpose. Thanks for being part of my journey!
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