Saturday, March 7, 2015

TRAIN OF THOUGHT


           The freight train comes rumbling down the railroad tracks that lie a few hundred yards east of our house, shattering the pre-dawn silence. It rattles our windows and shakes the walls as it crawls toward Deely Station, the City Public Service-owned power plant located just nine miles south of here. I ought to be used to the sound of those four diesel-powered locomotives hauling 120 open-top gondola cars filled with coal through our neighborhood, but I'm not, even though it happens at least twice a day during the winter, with trains arriving from somewhere far up north (Montana? New Mexico? North Texas? I don't know). I start to beat myself up, thinking I should know this, then remember I shouldn't be should-ing myself... Yikes! My Monkey Mind is clearly in overdrive.

RAMBLING ON
            I've been sitting at my desk for awhile, engaged in meditation, trying to still my mind, but give up after I find myself fretting once again about the environmental consequences of the hundreds of thousands of tons of coal required to fire the Deely Station every single day. Worrying about living downwind from the plant, which is slated for closure in 2018 because it emits more mercury than is allowed under new EPA standards. Thinking that I really should be more active in local politics, in order to help shift our city's continuing reliance on fossil fuels. Oops! There's that word "should" again!
            But then, I remind myself, that it's the same coal that's providing the electricity to light up this desk and write; it's propane that keeps this room warm enough to sit here comfortably, even as I worry about the environmental devastation wrought by our culture's collective over-reliance on non-renewable, carbon-based fuels.

REELING IN
            Meanwhile, the train keeps rolling on, as my dog casts his best begging look at me, eager to go outside for our morning walk, while my breakfast is simmering on the gas-fired stove, along with the hot water for my tea. I stare back at him between snatches of writing, catching myself in the absurdity of acting like I know what's good for the earth, while he and my breakfast both sit waiting for me to come back to this moment and do the only thing I have any real control over: pay attention to what needs to be done now. Right now.
            That means giving up the illusion that I can make any major changes to our domination-based, consumption-driven economy at this particular moment, although it would help if I simply turned off the overhead light and turned down the gas-fired stove, neither of which I really need right now. Soon enough it will be time to start in on today's To-Do list, to do what I can to help co-create a new cultural story about who we are and what we're here to do in relationship to ourselves, each other and Mother Earth.

ROLLING ON
            But for now, my task is simply to focus attention on chewing my food as slowly as I can, being grateful for this plate of eggs and veggies, cooked to perfection, and being mindful of the gift of sitting in this warm, well-stocked kitchen. As the tail-end of the train rolls off into the distance, I turn and face east, seeing the first rays of sun pop up over the horizon, and I give thanks for this new day, this new chance to choose again.

With joy, and hopes that you, too, find yourself feeling grateful for the many blessings of your life,
          Rudi



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