I lost track of the exact count a while ago, but I've officiated more than two hundred wedding ceremonies over the years. They've varied from fancy, formal affairs in big churches and posh country clubs to more casual gatherings in backyard patios, riverbanks, city parks and botanical gardens. The locations have ranged from a community center in Mexico City to a desert mountain ridge in Arizona, an island beach off the coast of Florida to a forest retreat in Georgia and an ancient, moss-covered chapel in the South of England. Some followed a relatively traditional format, a few were highly unusual, most were somewhere in the middle.
COMMON DESIRE
What each event had in common was that the couples getting married want to create an inclusive and inter-faith tone for their special day. Maybe the bride's parents are Methodist, the groom's parents are Catholic, grandma is a Fundamentalist, an uncle is Buddhist and the couple is spiritually inclined, but not religious. Or maybe the groom is Lutheran and the bride is Wiccan, and neither one knows how to address their faith in front of their loved ones.
The details differ widely, but the underlying dynamic usually involves the desire for wedding ceremony where everyone in attendance feels welcomed and included in the ritual, regardless of their faith background. So, having experienced or heard of my inter-faith work in the Celebration Circle, they come seeking support in creating such an event.
GOOD ADVICE
The first few times this happened, I really struggled with the seemingly conflicting social demands and theological underpinnings of such wedding rituals. Fortunately, my good friend, mentor and retired minister, Dr. Les Pugh, gave me some great advice on the matter. He said that it is my job to focus on the Love that we had all gathered to celebrate by using inclusive language, and then allow everyone present to see/hear the proceedings through the filters of their own spiritual understanding and life experiences.
Twenty-three years and many weddings later, Dr. Pugh's advice remains spot on. This was really brought home to me at one particularly memorable wedding, set in a beautiful Protestant church, followed by a lavish reception in an art museum. After dinner, a smartly dressed, middle-aged woman sidled up to me and said, "That was a wonderful ceremony, Pastor. I don't know how you got my New-Age hippie niece to agree to such a lovely Christian wedding!"
A little while later, one of the groom's cousins pulled me aside and said, "Good job, man. It's amazing that you were able to get a Pagan ritual past all these Christians." Then as I was leaving, another elderly lady marched up to me and said, "I hope you won't take this the wrong way, sir, but I'm a life-long atheist, and I've always dreaded having to go to weddings and hear the preacher go on and on about God. But I must say, yours was the least-offensive wedding I've even been to."
BEARING WITNESS
Not only did that experience leave me grinning from ear to ear, it was also a heart-warming affirmation of the power of this interfaith path I've been traveling personally and professionally for so many years.
Whether officiating a wedding, conducting a funeral, performing in concert or leading this week's Sunday Morning Circle, I always do my best to follow Dr. Pugh's advice. The people, places and details about the gatherings may change, but I believe our common desires remains essentially the same: to experience the Love we feel and long to express. The way I see it, that's my story, that's my job, and that's my purpose - and I'm sticking to it.
Rudi
** And, here's something new, with special thanks to Penny Malone, our volunteer webmaster for many years, connect with Celebration Circle for some past Reflections and more on Blogger & Google Plus!
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