Sunday, June 4, 2017

YOUNG AND OLD


     Earlier this afternoon, I sang at a memorial service for Ron Young, a long-time friend, songwriter and music journalist who made a big impact on my career - and on the Texas music scene in general -- over the years.  It was a poignant and powerful time; the chapel was full of old friends and fellow musicians, so many songs and sweet memories were shared. Of course, it was sad to say goodbye to Ron, but I left with a light heart, feeling glad that his long, painful battle with cancer was finally over - and that so many people had come to honor him and his legacy.
 
JOY AND SORROW
     After leaving there, I drive downtown to the Blue Star Arts Complex, where our son, Mateo, is having his high-school graduation party in conjunction with a dozen other seniors. Most of them have been close friends since early childhood, so I've witnessed their various trials and triumphs at countless birthday parties, performances, soccer games, sleepovers and other celebrations over the years. It's really heartwarming to see them swarming around the room being playful again, brimming with hope, hormones and happiness. Throughout the night, we parents hug each other, all of us astonished by how quickly the years have flown, how delightfully grownup "our little babies" have become.
 
DANCING AND SITTING
     It's great to see Mateo and his pals being so playful and carefree. Some are dancing and jamming to the sounds the DJ is spinning; others are playing chess, talking, having fun just being young. And yet at one point I find myself sitting alone in a dark corner, sighing in sadness, wanting to clutch this moment and hold on tight, knowing that this is almost certainly the last time these young people will be together in this way. Mateo's moving to Albuquerque to attend the University of New Mexico in August; I can't remember where all the others are going at the moment, but in the coming weeks, they're all headed off to different universities and opportunities scattered around the country. That's wonderful and totally natural, and I'm really happy for them, of course. And yet, I'm feeling this undeniable undercurrent of sadness, too, longing to hang on to their friendship and their youth (and mine) for just a little while longer.
 
HERE TODAY, GONE TOMORROW
     I slip out and leave while the party is still in high gear, the DJ's music ringing in my ears as I meander across the parking lot, trying to digest the confusing mixture of feelings engendered by these two very different celebrations of transition. I'd left the funeral chapel feeling happy; now I'm leaving this joyful graduation party feeling wistful. Weird. Opening the car door, I have to chuckle at myself, for taking my emotions so seriously, once again. Slipping behind the steering wheel, I suddenly hear the voice of my beloved friend and mentor, Arnold Patent, resonating across the years to remind me that "an emotion is simply a feeling with a judgment attached to it." And that one path to emotional freedom involves "breathing peacefully into any 'troubling' emotion until you can experience the feelings involved, separate from any judgments you may have about them." 
     So that's what I'm doing right now, right here in the parking lot: breathing quietly, feeling my feelings without judgment, witnessing the free flow of love that's underneath it all. Ahhh...Sinking into the Precious Present moment, I feel very blessed to be experiencing the sheer joy of having received yet another dancing lesson from Spirit. 
 
With gratitude and blessings,
     Rudi

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