It's that time of the year when the cold weather has clearly passed, the really hot weather is still (thankfully, hopefully) a few weeks distant - and the temperatures on any given day can swing from a pre-dawn chill in the 50's to a late afternoon high in the low 90's. For someone like myself, who is sensitive to ambient temperatures and always dresses for comfort, that means wearing multiple layers.
It also means that our normally, well-ordered bedroom is currently filled with various piles of clothing in varying states of disorder, because we're still in the process of switching out our seasonal wardrobes, as we have been for a couple of weeks now. I really wish it were otherwise. Ideally, we'd already be finished with a quick, simple process of hauling summer stuff out of storage boxes and packing up the winter clothes in their place. But, we simply haven't done so yet, faced as we are with a combination of limited closet space, full work schedules, the need to wear layers and a desire to separate out unwanted items to donate to the upcoming Circle garage sale.
HEAPED UP AND OVERFLOWING
Meanwhile, the random piles somehow made it easier to avoid making the bed; for shoes to wind up by the stairs, instead of on the shoe rack; for dirty laundry to pile up in the hamper.
And yes, I'm fully aware that this is definitely a First World problem -- and I have absolutely nothing to complain about. Although we get almost all of our clothes free from clothes swaps or cheap at thrift shops, the stacks in our bedroom would still represent a state of incomprehensible affluence to a large percentage of the world's population.
And yet, I can't help but notice how much the "messy" state of our bedroom has been bothering me. Apparently, not enough to shove aside some of the other tasks on my To Do List in order to organize this clutter. But still enough to keep me walking in circles while getting dressed in the morning, or get flustered while putting away fresh laundry, when I finally got around to it. Enough to leave me muttering under my breath periodically about the need to "clean up this mess,"and start and end the day feeling like a failure for not having accomplished this task yet.
STEEPED IN GRATITUDE
But, now, in this moment, I'm choosing to look around our bedroom with fresh eyes and a deep sense of gratitude. To feel grateful for the abundance of clothing, of course, but also for the gift of owning of this beautiful home; this lovely, light-filled, 2nd-floor room overlooking acres of trees and greenbelt; for a loving partner who shares my preference for a tidy, uncluttered living quarters, but doesn't get as "hung up about it" as I do, when things are temporarily untidy.
Sinking into my breath and the silence of this precious, present moment, I suddenly hear that the critical, Monkey Mind chattering away just a few moments earlier was merely echoing the voice of my late, much-loved, but very strict and often-judgmental mother, who struggled to deal with her own issues of control and self-worth with limited resources, while raising six rambunctious sons in a foreign country. That I wasn't just looking at this room now, but at the bedrooms and bathrooms of my childhood, which could never be clean enough for her liking.
KEEPING STILL
Rather than arguing with either of those voices, I choose to simply observe and listen as they gently fade away, leaving me alone to simmer in silence and gratitude a few seconds longer.
Soon enough, Fiesta 2015 will be history, and Zet's work schedule will slow down enough so that she and I can spend some time putting up these clothes. It might even happen tomorrow. Who knows? And frankly, who cares? Because, in the meantime, this room, this wardrobe and this guy sitting here are all perfect, just the way we are - for now... And now. And now.
With gratitude and blessings,
Rudi
PS: Our next Circle Garage Sale will be held May 15-16! So if you, too, are doing some spring cleaning/wardrobe re-organization, please keep that in mind. See details below.
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