FROM THERE TO HERE

There I was, stuck in the middle of the Bay Bridge, halfway between San Francisco and Berkeley. Rush hour traffic was at a total standstill, with no sign of movement in sight. Tired after yet another long day of driving around the Bay Area in the company car. Part of me felt like most of the other drivers around me, alternately honking their horns in frustration or sitting slumped down in their seats in resignation. But then I noticed the light of the setting sun, shimmering through the thick fingers of fog rolling in from the Pacific, crawling through the cables of the Golden Gate Bridge. It was a sight I'd seen several times since Zet and I had moved to the Bay Area three years earlier, but somehow this sunset was different, more compelling.

 

THE JOURNEY BEGINS

            Entranced, I got out of the car and walked across five lanes of traffic to get a better look from the sidewalk.  Sinking into a tai chi stance and slowly breathing in the beauty spread out before me, I couldn't help feeling extremely lucky that while my car was stuck in the traffic jam around me, I felt totally free. Suddenly I knew the time had come to quit my job and beginning living my dream of creative spiritual expression. So I gave my two weeks' notice, and set off on this amazing journey that I've been living ever since. At the time it seemed a little crazy, but as I look back on that moment 30 years later, it makes perfect sense.

            I'd begun singing professionally in 1972, as a sophomore at Trinity University, eager to "make it" in the music business, without having any idea what that really meant. So I spent the next ten years flailing around the local music scene, punctuated by two extended stays in England and the Netherlands, a couple of disastrous romances, and multiple internal collisions with my lower self before I had the good fortune to meet and marry Zet, who supported me in becoming more focused, organized and successful.

 

MOVING ON

            Eager to broaden our horizons and further my musical career, we packed our life into a VW bug and moved to New York in June 1982. We arrived in Manhattan with $900 in cash and an invitation to crash on a friend's sofa bed, neither of which lasted very long. Needing money to pay rent, we got hired to help produce the Whole Life Expo, billed as the first large-scale New Age fair, focused on promoting holistic health and a wide spectrum of spiritual teachers and teachings. Fortunately, it proved to be a big success, and Zet and I were invited to move to California and produce subsequent Expo's planned for San Francisco and Los Angeles.

            So we packed up our VW once again and moved to Berkeley, where we lived in an intentional community and got further acquainted with the astounding assortment of spiritual paths and alternative lifestyle choices California had to offer. My soul was on fire, but somewhere in the midst of all that hustle and bustle, I lost touch with my reason for singing.

            By the beginning of 1984, I hung up my guitar, quit working with the Expo and became an administrative assistant for Kaiser Permanente, a vast health maintenance organization. It was my first and only job in the corporate world, after years of being a free-spirited musician, event producer and waiter/bartender. I wasn't fond of the work but kept plugging away because it paid well enough to allow me to do what I really wanted to do: explore my burgeoning spiritual path.

 

THE NEXT STEP

            Then one Sunday morning, that path led us to the Unity Church of Walnut Creek, where I heard both the minister and the featured vocalist sharing their ministry from a place of depth, love and affirmation that was totally different from anything I'd experienced before. With both my spiritual and musical appetites whetted, I soon became part of their musical ministry team, where I learned to write and sing from a Spirit-centered place of service, rather than an ego-centered need to succeed.

            At about the same time, a friend gave me a copy of You Can Have It All written by Arnold Patent. The book described a path to living a purpose-driven life, focused on a simple, but powerful reading of metaphysical principles which moved me so deeply that I wrote the author, who immediately wrote back asking me to sing for a personal growth workshop he was leading in the Bay Area that very same week.

            We quickly developed a wonderful working relationship, and I began travelling all over the country with Arnold, providing music for at least two weekend workshops every month. During the weeks I wasn't travelling with him, I recorded my first album of spiritual songs, continued singing at the Unity Church in Walnut Creek, and began receiving invitations to perform in other New Thought churches and spiritual centers.

 

ONE STEP AT A TIME

            Within a few months, my budding career as a spiritual troubadour was booming, and I was raring to go fulltime. But when I told Arnold that I intended to quit my job at Kaiser Permanente in order to "follow my bliss," he strong advised me against it and patiently explained the need to develop an unconditional love and acceptance for my work, before I could move on. "How long will that take?" I asked, feeling deflated.

            "Don't worry," he replied, "you'll know when you're done. In the meantime, stay focused on loving yourself and your job, just the way they are, until you feel at peace." So, that's what I did, working at my day job while travelling and singing on the weekends, deepening my spiritual studies and participating in a support group which helped me stay focused on the task at hand. It took over a year, but just as Arnold had promised, I knew exactly when the moment had arrived as I stood there on the Bay Bridge, feeling deep peace while stuck in a rush hour traffic jam.

            That's how I got started on this path of service as a writer, performance artist and Spiritual Director of the Celebration Circle. Then, as now, I choose to remain focused on my purpose, which is "to experience, explore and express the free flow of Spirit, now...  And now... and now..."  

 

HERE AND NOW

            I love this work that I now have the privilege of doing, and I'm deeply committed to it, but it's not all sweetness and light. There are plenty of challenges and times when I find myself feeling confused or uncertain about what to do in a particular situation. When that happens, I do my best to recall the feeling of standing on the Bay Bridge and the metaphysical principles which brought me there, including: (1) It's helpful to have a vision of where you want to go, but it's vital to come to peace with where you are first; (2) change is seldom a linear process, unfolding in spurts and sputters that require patience and persistence; and (3) you've got to do it by yourself, but you can't do it alone, i.e. it sure helps to have the on-going support of like-minded people to help you stay on purpose. Thanks for being part of my journey!

           

            Then, as now, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

                  Rudi

SHARING WORDS THAT MATTER: Zet's Reflections

I keep The Book of Awakening by my bedside, and it has become a valued companion. Written by a remarkably wise and prolific poet, philosopher and spiritual teacher, Mark Nepo, it has a daily gift to offer. 

 

One reading contain a particularly powerful message, and I requested permission from the publisher to share it here, which has been granted. So as we celebrate today's full moon, a "blue moon" that occurs only once every 2 ½ years, I invite you to read it while feeling the power of letting go of whatever no longer works in your life. It seems to me that this burning heat of summer is as good a time as any to "burn up" that which no longer serves you.

In joy,

Zet

 

GIVING UP WHAT NO LONGER WORKS

Burning your way to center

is the loneliest fire of all.

You'll know you have arrived

when nothing else will burn.

 

At first this sounds rather somber, but from Moses to Buddha to Jesus, the deepest among us have shown that living is a process of constantly paring down until we carry only what is essential.

 

It is the same in the human journey as in the natural world. As the center grows stronger, what once was protective turns into a covering, like tree bark or snake skin, that is now in the way, and, sooner or later, we as spirits growing in bodies are faced with burning old skins, like rags on sticks, to light our way as we move deeper and deeper into the inner world, where the forces of God make us one.

 

When faced with the need to keep going inward, we are confronted with a very difficult kind of life choice: like carving up your grandmother's table for firewood to keep your loved ones warm, or leaving a job that has been safe and fulfilling in order to feel vital again, or burning an old familiar sense of self because it's gotten so thick you can't feel the rain.

 

In truth, always needing to stay immediate by removing what is no longer real is the working inner definition of sacrifice-giving up with reverence and compassion what no longer works in order to stay close to what is sacred.

• o   Sit quietly and meditate on the edge of yourself that meets the world. Feel its thickness.
• o   As you breathe, feel the inner edge of yourself that meets your spirit. Feel its softness.
• o   As you breathe, pray for the edge that is you to be as thin as possible and only as thick as necessary.

 

From THE BOOK OF AWAKENING © 2000 Mark Nepo, used with permission from Red Wheel Weiser, LLC Newburyport, MA and San Francisco CA        www.redwheelweiser.com

 

 

CONNECTING THE DOTS

         The next paragraph you read will look rather odd at first, but it's not a mistake. I can't cite the source, because I don't remember where I first found this particular excerpt. But I invite you to read it because it demonstrates an important concept:

          I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulacity uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. Tahts the phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mind. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch sutdy at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in what oredr the ltteers in a wrod are perensetd, the olny iprmoatnt tinhg is taht the frist and lsat lttesres be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit mcuh of a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the hmaun mind deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig, rghit?

 MAKING SENSE  OF IT

            Yes, we humans are truly gifted with the ability to find patterns in our environment and create a sense of order in the midst of seeming chaos. And it's not limited to recognizing, reading and writing words. It turns out that our capacity for seeing beyond the immediate details and filling in missing bits of information is a very wide-ranging and highly useful skill, one that serves us well in a wide variety of contexts. Since the time of the earliest hunter-gatherers, our aptitude for filling in the dots has made it possible for us to scan for predators, seek out prey, make plans for tomorrow and make sense out of yesterday - simply by being able to look beyond what is immediately visible and focus on the bigger picture.

 FILLING IN THE BLANKS

            Nor is this capacity limited to the physical plane, for we have unlimited potential for using this ability on multiple levels of the metaphysical plane as well. By turning within through contemplation and meditation, by embracing our intuition, by invoking the Presence within and around us, we can see beyond any of the seeming limitations on our time, talents and treasure. And from this place of peace and power, it's possible to discern the next step forward from any juncture.

            I'm not saying anything new here; I'm just revisiting this metaphor to remind you (and mySelf) that we are always free to face and embrace our current circumstances fully - and see beyond them, too. To employ our potential for filling in the blanks, connecting the dots and feeling a sense of order in any given situation. Not on our own, but in concert with a deep sense of the Sacred that flows through all of creation.

 TRUSTING THE PROCESS

            It takes time to learn these skills. The successful completion of the little reading exercise you read above was possible, in part, because of this innate human capacity for seeing beyond the visible. But it was also because earlier in your life you learned the ABC's, as well as the basic skills of spelling, reading and grammar. And you probably didn't learn these on your own, but with a teacher and a roomful of fellow students, engaged in the learning process together.

            That's why I'm delighted to be walking alongside you within the context of the Celebration Circle as we travel this path of deepening our spiritual skills, learning to see beyond the visible and trusting the deep connections that support us in living lives of purpose, peace and power. At least, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

 With gratitude and blessings,

         Rudi

PS: Speaking of making connections... below is our latest brief video containing the Declaration of Interdependence that we shared on Sunday, July 5th, followed by a guided meditation I lead, focussed on our Oneness. Thank you, Eddie Wise, for another wonderful audio/video production!

 

MAKING CONNECTIONS

          It's a been a truly delightful week in our household, due to the fact that our beloved daughter, Sarah, and granddaughter, Aiko, are here for 10-day visit from their home in the Netherlands. Sarah is particularly interested in spending as much time as possible with my father, Benny, because she is eager to mine his rich store of memories, stories and Harst Family lore in order to frame her own understanding of who she is and where she came from.
            At age 36, she is becoming more appreciative of our family ties; at 63, I'm deeply grateful to have developed a loving relationship with her, despite the many miles and years between us when she was a child. At 91, Dad is still sharp as a tack and his memory as detailed as ever, but we're all aware that the window for sharing his complex, multi-cultural, trans-continental heritage with us is clearly beginning to close.
            So here we are, sitting in the living room once again, four generations of hearts, dancing through our memories, taking a chance on opening up to each other, one question, one smile, one glimpse into the past at a time...
            I look forward to sharing some of the stories, photos and lessons we uncover sometime in the near future.  In the meantime, here's hoping that you and your loved ones are enjoying your summer time together, too, in whatever shape that takes for you.

 With gratitude and blessings,

          Rudi

PS: Speaking of making connections... below is our latest brief video containing the Declaration of Interdependence that we shared on Sunday, July 5th, followed by a guided meditation I lead, focussed on our Oneness. Thank you, Eddie Wise, for another wonderful audio/video production!

HERE, THERE AND EVERYWHERE

Last week I received a lovely and inspiring e-mail from a new, long-distance friend, Jo Campe, a minister who recently retired from serving a liberal Protestant congregation in a metropolitan city and moved to upstate Minnesota. Several months ago, feeling hungry to receive additional spiritual food in the remote, rural area near the Canadian border where he and his wife now live, he began following the Celebration Circle online.

 

REFLECTING BACK

            Jo wrote in response to the Circle video of my Summer Solstice talk, and as it happened, his email arrived just as I'd returned from a disturbing visitation session with a friend serving time in Bexar County jail.  I was feeling very disheartened by the palpable feelings of sadness and despair that had permeated the air in the visitor waiting area once again. There's something deeply disturbing about being surrounded by such graphic demonstrations of our society's failings, watching a leaden bureaucracy in action, witnessing the overwhelming percentages of poor and disadvantaged people who populate our prisons, the only well-heeled individuals in sight being the lawyers and bondsmen plying their trade in the hallway.

 

MOVING INWARD

            That was my dull-gray state of mind as I opened Jo's email, with its uplifting reminder about the regenerative nature of life in the midst of fire and destruction. I couldn't help but but smile in reading how the latest Circle video had enriched his day, causing him to respond positively and lift my day in return. So now, I'll share this little story and the bulk of his text here, in the hopes that it might help brighten someone else's day - maybe even yours:

 

            Summer in the pines and birch trees has finally arrived in Ely, Minnesota.  Church today was particularly inspiring [as I sat] in my study along with my partner, Kit, and Lena, the wonderdog, where we watched and listened to your summer solstice and co-creator meditations on our computer.  It was as though you were speaking to the innermost memories and inspirations of my own history and journey. Co-creation - and looking at the many faces of the way we might find that Spirit - is certainly the journey of this day.  

            The winds have brought smoke all the way from the territories of the North West arctic. For so many years we were the folks of 'Smokey the Bear' - [putting out forest fires and inadvertently] putting out the regenerative spirit of forest fire. Today, the woods burn throughout the north so that new growth is inevitable. As the smoke covers the sun to give us overcast [skies], I am reminded this morning of the symbol of The Recovery Church, which is a jack pine cone. Jack pine trees need the intense heat of forest fire to open the seeds of the pine cone. 

            As a forest fire consumes the remainder of underbrush, it also provides the heat that melts the tight glue holding the seeds together in the jack pine cone, and they appear to raise from the dead.  The small seeds explode and fly to the rich ash to start new growth. They were there, ready to create, even before the fire, but now in the heat of the moment, they joined the creative power of new and beautiful life. 

            Ah...such rich theology that you gave us this morning to pause and reflect on for this day. I am so grateful to have you in our home [today] to remind us of the myriad ways that the power is alive in this rich soil. On the edge of the Canadian border we pause to say thank you, Rudi, [knowing] that distance is only a figment of imagination [and] there is no distance between us. We are thankful for you this day.

 

MOVING FORWARD

            Thank you, Rev. Jo - and thank you, dear reader, for being among the supporters who make it possible for the Celebration Circle to extend its reach from the bowels of the county jail to the Canadian border. May you, may we, may All Beings be blessed by our willingness to experience and express our belief that "We Are One." 

  

With gratitude and blessings,

                        Rudi

PS:  Please consider clicking here make a donation to Celebration Circle in order to sustain this weekly e-newsletter, our Daily Inspiration Circle, our weekly audio/video recordings and the many other resources we offer, both online and face-to-face.  Thank you!

INVOKING THE FOUR DIRECTIONS

          Since our very first Celebration Circle gathering in January 1992, we've begun each Sunday morning by consciously opening to the Four Direction of the compass as a group while singing our invocation: "O, Great Spirit, earth, sun, sky and sea; you are inside and all around me."

          It's our take on a very powerful, age-old practice shared by various spiritual traditions and aboriginal groups since time out of mind, and re-interpreted in the 1980's within the context of Creation Spirituality. Invoking the Four Directions is a meaningful process, but as with any ritual, there's the possibility for it to become rote and lifeless with repetition, unless care is taken to review and renew it periodically. So, as part of my preparation for our almost-annual Interdependence Day celebration this Sunday, July 5th, I'd like to spend some time-sharing my evolving understanding of how and why we invoke the Four Directions in the Circle - and invite your reflections on this practice.

 

VIA POSITIVA

          We begin by facing South, the direction of Summer and the mid-day sun, the direction of action, abundance and blessings. In doing so, we open our awareness to the many ways in which we enjoy the goodness, abundance and well being which is the fabric of our lives. It is a way to recognize that we have so much to be thankful for, knowing that our needs have been met today and trusting that they will continue to be met at every step along the way. (Although it's possible to begin with any one of the directions, we begin our Sunday Circles by facing South because that's how our seating arrangement is oriented at Say Sí).

 

VIA NEGATIVA

          Then we take a quarter-turn to the right (clockwise) and face to the West, the direction of Autumn and the setting sun, which invokes our willingness to embrace the constancy of change, the inevitability of death and the mystery of unanswered (and possibly unanswerable) questions that are part of the human condition. We are also facing up to the inescapable fact that even the brightest, richest day must surrender its treasure to the falling night; so, too, nothing is "ours" to keep: all the objects, relationships and conditions that we think we own are just temporary, and must be released at some point.

           

VIA TRANSFORMATIVA

          Now we continue to trace the path of the sun moving through the sky by taking

another 90 degree turn clockwise to face North, the direction of the cold winds of Winter and the pitch black of midnight. This represents the transformation that occurs as we stand our ground in the midst of the challenges and struggles we all must face in life. Despite our modern, societal emphasis on creating and sustaining the trappings of safety, security and certainty, if we scratch beneath the thin veneer of culture, we humans fundamentally remain physically fragile and insecure beings.

          But, one of the deep gifts of opening ourselves to the Four Directions ritualistically is that as we stand and face North, we can experience a renewed sense of security, simply by acknowledging our human frailty, while simultaneously re-affirming our faith, our strength and our divinity, too.

 

VIA CREATIVA

          Turning once again, we come to the East, the direction of Spring and the rising sun, the perpetual promise of renewal and new beginnings. In doing so, we give thanks for the possibility of a fresh start each day, each moment. Whatever might have happened last year, yesterday or this morning, we have the capacity to let go of it in consciousness and experience whatever is waiting to unfold in our lives right here and now.

 

COMING HOME

          And then it's time to spiral inward to face the Center of the Circle, which represents the Center of our Being, the Middle of the Mystery which is Spirit, fully presnt right here and now - and in all times and circumstances. While facing the Center, we remember that we are always in the process of being born, while always dying, too; always living in the midst of abundance, while always facing losses; always in motion, always standing still. Centered in this awareness, we feel our inter-connection with all of life, which we affirm by speaking/feeling the peace of knowing:  "We Are One."

 

GOING ON

          I believe this ritual is particularly well-suited as the invocation for our Circle gatherings, because it is such a palpable and physical way to remind ourselves that this moment is a sacred time, this place where we're standing is sacred ground, this collection of individuals is a sacred gathering. But this same quality also makes the Four Directions ritual a powerful way to start the morning at home, or take a short break in the middle of a work day, or before going to bed - in order to reconnect with the larger story of who we truly are and what we are really here to do.  At least, that's my current understanding, and I'm sticking to it for now. 

      

With gratitude and blessings,

          Rudi

Blessed By Silence

          I've had to deal with some tough issues over the past couple of weeks. I'll spare you the details, because they really don't matter. Suffice it to say that I've had multiple opportunities to engage in difficult conversations with several close friends, and a few interesting strangers as well. In the course of that process, I discovered that each time that I and/or the other person struggled to come up with some clear-cut answers to our questions, I was inevitably left with a sour taste in my mouth and a dissatisfied feeling in my heart.

      On the other hand, in those instances when we were willing to spend  time listening to each other and to the silence simmering within us, the experience was much more satisfying. 

      What follows is a poem I wrote to help clarify the way this process works for me, with hopes that you might find it helpful, too. 

The Space Between Our Words

 

Sitting together in silence

my heart opens to yours, your heart opens to mine

and together we open to Spirit

allowing it to shine in ways we can't imagine,

but are willing to discover

 

It's tempting to back off

to start talking about other, easier subjects

the weather, the job, the score of last night's game

the kids, the same old same

 

Instead

we lean into the silence, again and again

listening, sifting, praying,

staying in the space between our words

while working from the inside out

 

Doubts come and go  

Fear stops by to say hello

Hope pokes his head out, spies his shadow

then crawls back into his hole to wait for better weather

 

And still we sit in silence,

focused on an unspoken promise

 

In the darkness, a candle is lit by unseen hands

you and I are fed 

hunger subsides, and new options appear

more or less clearly

We give thanks

get in our separate cars

zoom off into traffic

moving in different directions

feeling fresh and ready for whatever comes next.

 

With gratitude and blessings,

          Rudi